Lisa Guider

In the fall of 2008, Spring broached the subject of seeing a marriage counselor. This came as a surprise to me and I am still not sure why she decided to go down that path. She had been drinking more and was obviously unhappy so I knew something was wrong, but her wanting to see a marriage counselor came as a complete shock to me. At the time, the company I worked for was being bought out so I was very busy but agreed to see a counselor if she really wanted to. Although truth be told I was worried where it would end because I couldn't imagine her listening to anyone in the state she was in let alone a marriage counselor.

I found out later she had already been meeting with her lawyer Nelly Wince, so I suppose it is possible Spring was simply going through the motions before she “cashed” out (she may have been worried I would lose my job) but I tend to think that was not the case at the time.

I had pretty good benefits through work and Spring found a counselor, Lisa Guider, through their family help service who she liked and asked me if we would meet together.

Lisa was an interesting person. She had a long history as a substance abuse and marriage counselor and was now working part time. I am not sure her age at the time but I would guess mid-50s to early 60s. She was calm and intelligent. In fact she was pretty much a model for what a counselor should be. She even opened up to us about her own marriage, both the good and the more difficult.

Although Spring at first liked Lisa a lot, in the end she came to despise her. Which, in hindsight, was not too surprising given that here was a successful women who kept herself in shape and had a good marriage with a couple kids who was advising us that good marriages are partnerships. A partnership was the last thing that Spring wanted.

Part of what I liked about Lisa was this view she had of of marriage as a partnership as that view aligned closely with my own. A partnership means supporting the other person's goals and ambitions in life, not that everything be exactly equal. I would have been happy whether Spring wanted a career (no matter how much money she made from it) or to be a stay at home mom. Love to me what supporting her desires in life just as much my own. Spring was clearly on a different track entirely. Not to sound too harsh but I truly believe what was important to Spring then as well as now was control. The way that control was expressed was to make sure that that I did the vast majority of the work whether that be earning money, housework, or raising the kids, while she enjoyed a life of leisure. In the end she was even able to get rid of me but keep all the benefits. She sacrificed both our relationship as well as her relationship with the children for this.

The more we met with Lisa, and we met with her a lot, the more combative Spring became. She through several tantrums and walked out on Lisa more than once. (walking out on counselors kind of became Spring's modus operandi) Spring was never one to stand for even a hint of criticism. And as time went on and Lisa started questioning her drinking, she became really resistant. Lisa tried to use the term “self-medicating” when talking to Spring about it and this really set Spring off. But I have to give Lisa credit – she never lost her cool and always tried to calm Spring down.

Lisa and I also met in private (as did Lisa and Spring) and during those sessions she was pretty blunt regarding Spring's drinking. I, right or wrong, did not really believe the issue was Spring's drinking. She drank a lot but she came form a hard drinking family. The reason I resisted thinking drinking was the root issue is that she did give it up to have children, which was something I insisted upon. Even today I am not sure it is the alcohol or an underlying mental/personality issue that was and is the root cause of her behavior. Maybe they are the same. But, as I say Lisa, was pretty convinced Spring's use of alcohol was the core issue.

In the end, Spring walked out and did not return. Instead she filed divorce papers. I met with Lisa one last time. I was frankly devastated. What sticks in my mind the most is that Lisa actually asked me, “Are you sure you won't be happier without her?” Which, I think is an amazing thing for a counselor to say.

Much later I learned that Spring believed that I manipulated Lisa as well as the other counselors. If I was so good at manipulating people I would have had a heck of a lot more success with her and the court system. The very fact that she believed that I could manipulate the people who are arguably the most prepared not be manipulated makes me wonder more than anything just what the state of her mental health was and is.