Emma Johnson has a thoughtful and convincingly argued article on why alimony is outdated and misogynistic.
In almost all cases, alimony only makes sense if you believe women are incapable of taking care of themselves and must be provided for by a man.
In my case, Spring lived off me during the marriage choosing to work part-time. There was no agreement that she be a stay at home wife. Significantly I was, at a minimum, and as verified by he court appointed custody evaluator, an equal parent to the children. In reality, I was and have been always far more involved with their lives than she was. I was the primary parent. She was also at the time of her divorcing me, able to make just as much money as me according to the vocational evaluator. Yet she not only received half of the marital assets despite not not contributing to them at all but permanent alimony until my death.
And, of course, she committed perjury and there is unquestionable evidence that her lawyer, Nelly Wince lied in court and committed massive fraud. Just to add insult to injury, I have had to pay well over $100,00 in legal fees. So far.
Alimony is misogynistic, pure and simple.
Sunday, May 27, 2018
Sunday, May 20, 2018
Change Is Possible
It can be despairing to realize just how hard change for the better can be. The five year recidivism rates for released prisoners in the U.S. is 76.6. Alcohol and other drug treatment programs are notorious for their low success rates.
Yet, some people do change. Sometimes spectacularly so. I was up early this morning, had NPR on as usual, and was listening to On Being as I started my day. The host Krista Tippett was interviewing Derek Black and his friend Mathew Stevenson.
Derek Black was born into a white supremacist family. His father was very active in the movement. His godfather was David Duke. Black embraced white supremacy and became very active himself.
In college Black met people outside his insular circle. People who thought white supremacy was wrong. People who, unlike Black, were not ardent holocaust deniers. Astonishingly he became friends with Stevenson, who is Jewish, and regularly attended his Friday night Shabbat dinners in his dorm room.
Over the course of a couple years, Black changed his mind and eventually renounced white supremacy. He realized that not only were his former beliefs factually wrong but were immoral as well.
I wonder what the odds are that Spring, Nelly Wince and so many others will come to understand that not only have they acted criminally but immorally as well. Probably not good. But if Derek Black can change anyone can. There is always hope.
Yet, some people do change. Sometimes spectacularly so. I was up early this morning, had NPR on as usual, and was listening to On Being as I started my day. The host Krista Tippett was interviewing Derek Black and his friend Mathew Stevenson.
Derek Black was born into a white supremacist family. His father was very active in the movement. His godfather was David Duke. Black embraced white supremacy and became very active himself.
In college Black met people outside his insular circle. People who thought white supremacy was wrong. People who, unlike Black, were not ardent holocaust deniers. Astonishingly he became friends with Stevenson, who is Jewish, and regularly attended his Friday night Shabbat dinners in his dorm room.
Over the course of a couple years, Black changed his mind and eventually renounced white supremacy. He realized that not only were his former beliefs factually wrong but were immoral as well.
I wonder what the odds are that Spring, Nelly Wince and so many others will come to understand that not only have they acted criminally but immorally as well. Probably not good. But if Derek Black can change anyone can. There is always hope.
Sunday, May 13, 2018
Is There A Biological Basis Of Narcissism?
New Research has shown that people with a higher levels of testosterone that the average for their gender may be more inclined to abuse their power.
Could this be a biological basis of narcissism and corruption? In the study, people with a higher than average level of testosterone for their gender agreed with statements such as “I insist on getting the respect that is due to me” and “There is nothing wrong with occasionally taking credit for one of your subordinates’ ideas" than others. I would think the ability to rationalize away perjury and criminal activity would also be characteristics of such people.
We all know narcissists. They are the people who believe it is better to get than give. They are the ones who leach off others rather than being charitable. They are the ones who demand good service from others yet never give it. They are the ones who believe the world owes them a living. They are the ones who refuse to even take care of their own children despite being perfectly able to do so. They are the ones intolerant of others yet demanding extreme tolerance for their own actions.
Of course having a higher than average amount of testosterone doesn't make you a narcissist but is likely a factor in predisposing you to narcissism. Sadly narcissism is one of the most difficult predispositions to overcome.
Could this be a biological basis of narcissism and corruption? In the study, people with a higher than average level of testosterone for their gender agreed with statements such as “I insist on getting the respect that is due to me” and “There is nothing wrong with occasionally taking credit for one of your subordinates’ ideas" than others. I would think the ability to rationalize away perjury and criminal activity would also be characteristics of such people.
We all know narcissists. They are the people who believe it is better to get than give. They are the ones who leach off others rather than being charitable. They are the ones who demand good service from others yet never give it. They are the ones who believe the world owes them a living. They are the ones who refuse to even take care of their own children despite being perfectly able to do so. They are the ones intolerant of others yet demanding extreme tolerance for their own actions.
Of course having a higher than average amount of testosterone doesn't make you a narcissist but is likely a factor in predisposing you to narcissism. Sadly narcissism is one of the most difficult predispositions to overcome.
Sunday, May 6, 2018
Detrimental Consequences Of A Gap in Skills Within A Marriage
I have never liked the idea that marriage should be a partnership where each person specializes in a particular area. Commonly it is that the man earns the money, does the yard work, takes care of finances and the woman raises the children and does the house work.
One reason I do not like it is that its equality is a fiction. Equal but separate is never equal. If one spouse earns all the money then the other becomes dependent on him or her. That is the exact term used on tax forms. Ironically, who has the power in such a situation is not predictable. It may be that the one earning the money has the power because they control the assets or it may be that the non-earning partner has the power because they receive the benefit of the work - not unlike how slave owners received the benefit of their slaves' work. The wage earner becomes an asset that you can work as much as possible to maximize financial gain.
Another reason I do not like separation of responsibilities is that I cannot image that I would have been happy not earning my way and taking care of the kids. Knowing how to do it all, earning money, finances, child rearing, yard work, house work, and cooking are all part of having a rewarding and responsible life. I honestly would not have given up single diaper change.
A recent study, Gap in Financial Literacy Widens for Couples the Longer the Relationship Lasts, demonstrates that even when a couple starts out equally competent in an area, the partner not doing a particular task loses the ability to do so over time. The study focuses on finances but I image the same holds true for child rearing, yard work, house work, etc.
This creates huge problems. In the case of divorce or the death of one partner, a person may not have the skills necessary to succeed in life. Even more insidious, a marriage may fall apart due to one partner's ability atrophying in an area, be that finance or child rearing, and thus not understanding why their partner is making the decisions they are.
The best strategy is to make sure you share responsibility in all areas. A person who cannot earn their own living as well as raise their own children is a just asking for trouble.
One reason I do not like it is that its equality is a fiction. Equal but separate is never equal. If one spouse earns all the money then the other becomes dependent on him or her. That is the exact term used on tax forms. Ironically, who has the power in such a situation is not predictable. It may be that the one earning the money has the power because they control the assets or it may be that the non-earning partner has the power because they receive the benefit of the work - not unlike how slave owners received the benefit of their slaves' work. The wage earner becomes an asset that you can work as much as possible to maximize financial gain.
Another reason I do not like separation of responsibilities is that I cannot image that I would have been happy not earning my way and taking care of the kids. Knowing how to do it all, earning money, finances, child rearing, yard work, house work, and cooking are all part of having a rewarding and responsible life. I honestly would not have given up single diaper change.
A recent study, Gap in Financial Literacy Widens for Couples the Longer the Relationship Lasts, demonstrates that even when a couple starts out equally competent in an area, the partner not doing a particular task loses the ability to do so over time. The study focuses on finances but I image the same holds true for child rearing, yard work, house work, etc.
This creates huge problems. In the case of divorce or the death of one partner, a person may not have the skills necessary to succeed in life. Even more insidious, a marriage may fall apart due to one partner's ability atrophying in an area, be that finance or child rearing, and thus not understanding why their partner is making the decisions they are.
The best strategy is to make sure you share responsibility in all areas. A person who cannot earn their own living as well as raise their own children is a just asking for trouble.
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