Friday, November 28, 2014

Lee Kallett from Florida Pays Permanent Alimony

Some people may think the unjust nature of what happened to me and my children is unusual but the truth is that is quite common. Lee Kallett of St. Pete Beach, FL posted a video describing his case, one which is very similar to mine.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Karen McCullah - Why Everyone Should get a Prenup

Karen McCullah is a screenwriter (her works include Legally Blond) and author who wrote an article in Elle earlier this year about the injustice of her having to pay alimony to her ex-husband. 
But 18 years later, when I divorced my husband, I had a successful writing career and some money in the bank. He got to take half of it. But it isn't even the fact that I had to give him half that I find so egregious. It's the alimony he demanded I pay him on top of it that makes me very, very angry—like scream-really-loud, get-drunk, and eat-gratuitous-carbohydrates angry. On the first day of every month, I have to write him a mother^#%*ing check for six thousand dollars. I've been doing this for two and a half years. I've got five more left.
I totally agree with her. But she is one of the (relatively) lucky ones. I can only wish my alimony payments ended after seven and one-half years.  Mine go on until I die.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Same-Sex Divorce

In 2012, I was one of the voters who rejected the Minnesota Gay Marriage Amendment which would have banned same-sex marriages. In truth though I would have rather voted to ban all marriages as I knew that same-sex marriages would inevitable lead to same-sex divorces. I only voted down the amendment because banning same-sex marriages seems blatantly discriminatory and just plain mean to me. Sadly, as an NPR article and story that came out today states, now a whole new segment of the population will find out just how costly and unjust the divorce system can be. 

The lawyers, judges and others who profit from a dysfunctional divorce system no doubt are glad but it is at the expense of the good, the innocent and society as a whole. 

Saturday, November 22, 2014

New Jersey Women for Alimony Reform - NJWAR

Added a link to New Jersey Women for Alimony Reform - NJWAR on the Reform and News Links page. The group seems to be aligned with NJ Alimony Reform. Their goal is to reform alimony laws in New Jersey because way too many honest and hardworking people, including myself, are forced to spend the rest of their lives working for the benefit of the dishonest.   

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

And Now For Something Completely Different - A Business Card!

I figured that if I am going to be contacting legislators as I mentioned in my last post, I better have a business card. Old school yes, especially for an online site, but still good to have for meetings and to include in letters.  (also you can get them ridiculously cheap)

Okay the design is a bit stark but it matches the site and I did it all on my own. And the point of all of this is to change the laws to increase justice not exercise my (limited) design skills.

Sunday, November 16, 2014 – A Six Month Retrospective

As was launched six months ago, I think the time is right to provide a retrospective on progress made and some thoughts on where we will go from here.

I am reasonably happy with the site so far. It was hard to envision how the site would turn out when I first stated it, but I think I hit the right balance in telling my story, commenting on injustice within the divorce industry elsewhere, and advocating for reform. I have hopefully neither degenerated into ranting nor have hidden the reality of what has happened to me, my children and so many others who have suffered due to rampant criminal behavior within the divorce industry. is a hybrid website and blog that in many ways is a story. Stories are powerful agents of change and that is exactly my purpose. All postings and pages serve to support the main goal of the site – justice for all within the divorce system. I have tried to refrain from posting for posting's sake and in this I believe I have succeeded. Unlike many blogs where old postings are no longer relevant, I think this site in its entirety is useful for both those wishing to enforce current law as well as those trying to reform it.

There are of course many things about the site I wish were better. Most prominently is that I wish the writing was better and more polished. I am rarely satisfied with anything I write and should really spend more time reviewing and rewriting but time is a luxury I do not have. I apologize for my many grammatical errors and unclear wordings. I also feel many of the pages could use revision simply because of the passage of time.

The site as it stands is pretty much caught up to the present. It is complete in structure at least until I can think of something else to add. What will the future bring? Time will tell but here are my current thoughts:

Law Enforcement - Continue to seek out a law enforcement agency that will look into my case. I have no intent of giving up on this given the clear evidence of criminal behavior I have seen. I will admit this is a long shot but I feel it is my duty as a citizen to at least bring the evidence I have to those responsible for enforcing the laws. The local county attorney was basically obstructionist but there are other agencies at the state and federal levels. After all, Al Capone was not prosecuted by the Cook County Attorney.

Judicial – It is obvious to me that the judicial system is badly broken. There may be options at the state Supreme Court level where my concerns and evidence can be submitted. As with law enforcement, there is little chance this will lead to anything positive in the short term but at least it makes it clear to those at the top of the judicial branch that unethical behavior by judges and the Lawyers Professional Responsibility Board does not go unnoticed.

Legislative – This will be a primary focus going forward. There is a growing movement for divorce reform by states and Minnesota needs to get on board. To date, I have not contacted legislators but now that the site is relatively complete that will change.

Other – Other avenues of pursuit include contacting ethics professors at law schools who may want to use my case in their classes, creating a technical notes page about how the site was created including the tools I used and helpful tips, and maybe, just maybe create a non-profit to advocate for divorce reform in Minnesota. The latter is a step I am very hesitant to do as I am not much of an advocate and I would hate to expose my family to what I am sure would be harsh attacks by those opposed to reform.  

Sunday, November 9, 2014

I undated the legislation section, mainly with some thoughts on what marriage is evolving to in the long-term.   

I left in the comment that it is work in progress as it may need some filling out and definitely needs editing. 

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Feminism in Sweden Is Good for Men

Supporting Saturday's post, I saw an article on the Surviving in Sweden blog called, Is Feminism Actually Good For Men, Too? which points out that feminism makes joint custody more likely and alimony extremely rare. No wonder pretty much everyone, men and women, in Sweden considers themselves a feminist. I have no doubt that at some point we will follow their lead in this matter. Lawyers, judges, law enforcement officials, and politicians who do not understand this and who work against it either actively or through inaction are on the wrong side of history. 

Sunday, November 2, 2014

New Section - Legislation

I have added a Legislation section, accessible from the left column, At its heart exists to promote reform and thus reduce the high level of unethical and criminal activity that is currently so prevalent within the divorce system.  The mechanism of this reform could be law enforcement or judicial action but it will most likely be legislation. Hopefully, this section can provide a framework for legislators to use in drafting laws.

The Legislation section is currently a work in progress. 

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Gender Equality and Divorce

I think it is significant that alimony is rarest in countries with the highest rates of gender equality. Scandinavia is always at the top of the list when it comes to gender equality. Alimony (or spousal maintenance) is also quite rare for these countries. For example The Wikipedia article on divorce in Sweden states:
The fundamental idea is that divorce effectively severs all forms of economic relations between spouses. Each spouse is therefore individually responsible for his or her own financial support after divorce. Maintenance is seldom granted except in certain circumstances. It must be shown that the spouse is financially needy and that the marriage has resulted in the need for maintenance.
Now, one can always argue that alimony is rare in Sweden because of gender equality but I think that is a stretch. A judicial system that encourages and rewards unethical and criminal behavior will never lead to equality. If this site has shown anything it is just how poorly our laws are written, how arbitrary justice is, and how prevalent criminal activity is within the divorce system.