Synopsis

See the About section for the reasons behind why this site exists and the Real Names section for information regarding the use of real names.

In this section, aptly titled “Synopsis”, I will provide a quick overview of the story of my divorce and what I believe are the unethical and criminal acts committed by my ex-wife and more importantly officers of the court. (lawyers and judges) Note that evidence of malfeasance as well as detailed reasoning behind what I consider unethical and criminal behavior are left to to the “Evidence” section.

In early 2009 my then wife, I'll call her Spring, filed for divorce. We had been attending marriage counseling sessions with a counselor Spring had chosen and vetted for several months. The supposed spark that caused Spring to want to attend counseling was that I was upset that she had, despite repeated promises not to, continued to forge my name on checks, specifically in this case for a political campaign. However, it may be that she had been planning the divorce for some time – I may never know for sure. The background here is that the Spring had been working at part-time jobs well below her abilities (she wasn't even covering her own entertainment expenses), was spending money at an alarming rate and I was in danger of losing my job as the company I worked for was being bought out by an out of town competitor. She was also quite often less than honest. Almost to the point where she had an addition to not telling the truth. At the time we had two children in grade school. I'll add that I was clearly far more involved in the children's lives than she was. Her later argument that she was the homemaker while I worked is flat out false.

At first Spring liked the counselor but as she questioned Spring's actions and raised concerns about her drinking, Spring turned sour on her. She would become extremely upset if the counselor even hinted that Spring was acting irrationally or that her drinking was an issue. I will note that the counselor also happened to be a substance abuse counselor and that she worked pretty hard to convince me in private sessions that Spring's drinking was a if not the major cause of her behavior. Although I knew she drank a lot, I was skeptical and am still to an extent. I've never really understood whether excessive drinking causes problems or is an result of problems. But either way I knew that she she drank a lot and often too much. Both before and after our marriage I had discussed Spring's drinking with her. She did, as far as I know, give up drinking while she was pregnant and nursing (which along with wearing seat belts were the only two things I ever insisted upon during our relationship) so I had concluded that her drinking, although heavy, was not something she could not control if she had to. By the way I am not anti-drinking - in fact I brew my own beer and make my own wine. Ironically Spring rarely drank what I made as she preferred American lagers and cheap box wine. I made craft ales and high (I like to think) quality wine.

Spring eventually quit counseling saying she would not go back to “that woman”. A few days later, after a normal conversation with Spring, I opened a letter that came in the mail from a lawyer stating that Spring had filed for divorce. I cannot even express the shock and devastation this had on me. I had never expected to get divorced. Not only was it it incredibly rare in my family, Catholic through and through, but I had taken the vow for better or worse literally and seriously. I felt the world crashing down on me. I had done everything for Spring. I put her through college, allowed her incredible freedoms, took her on vacations around the world and was an exemplary parent to the children. Furthermore I rarely if ever became upset with her even when her actions would have caused most men to divorce her.

I begged, literally begged Spring not to go through with it. She finally agreed to put the divorce on hold if I would agree to attend counseling with a Lutheran Pastor she knew. I readily agreed. We attended many session over several months but in the end it was the same as with the first marriage counselor. The Pastor questioned Springs actions, (stating her behavior was passive-aggressive and, in some cases, “evil”) as well as her drinking. Spring eventually ran out of a session screaming that she was taking the divorce off hold.

During and shortly after our counseling with the Pastor I discovered two things that can only be described a surrealistic. One is that I discovered that Spring had been drinking in the morning which was something that I never suspected. The other was that she was writing a journal with a fictional account of me being abusive and violent.

Her drinking in the morning was disturbing but at some level not surprising. Although she had always been a committed beer drinker she had over the previous year switched to drinking red wine mixed with water in a large beer stein. The wine came from a five liter box. This is what she drank at night. During the day she, supposedly, drank red juice mixed with water. Although I think I suppressed the obvious, it still came as somewhat of a shock.

But it was really the journal that completely shook me. It was so utterly and viciously false. There was simply no way that I could have ever been considered abuse or violent by any definition. The fact was that early in our relationship Spring was fairly violent. I have a shifted septum from her fist as a remembrance. Her physical violence had gone away (in fact I was rather proud that I had helped her overcome this tendency) but certainly at an emotional level pretty much any mental health professional would have considered her to be abusive one not me. I had always figuratively turned my cheek. A lot. She was passive-aggressive whereas I was just passive. My head swirled at her allegations. It was a living nightmare.

Despite this, I begged Spring again to reconsider and she agreed to meet with our local priest. We met a few times and were scheduled to attend a weekend marriage retreat but Spring backed out at the last minute and told the children she was divorcing me. They were devastated and their devastation increased mine many fold. I met with the priest after this and he said Spring was clearly an alcoholic. He knew because he was a recovering one himself. He said her hiding behaviors and lies were all too familiar. When I questioned this a bit he said the only other alternative was a “moral failure”.

I got a lawyer, an expensive one from a supposedly reputable law firm. I naively told him I still hoped that the divorce could be avoided. Although I had stated, as was recommended to me, that he handle the case not an associate he stated that he wanted a female associate to do the court work as Spring's lawyer was a woman. That seemed odd but I agreed.

In the documents filed for and in testimony at the preliminary hearing Spring and her lawyer said, falsely, that I was abusive. It was blatant perjury. She was awarded temporary custody and I had to pay her a huge amount of money and pay for everything for the children. I was only allowed to see the children a few day a week. I knew this was not good for the children and could even put them in danger due to Spring's cavalier attitude about drinking and driving but but there was little I could do about it.

As both of us wanted custody, a custody evaluation was ordered. This was difficult as the evaluator's waiting room was shared with the parole office. Not exactly the nicest place for the kids to be.

Simultaneously my lawyers had recommended mediation and the court had ordered this. It was a disaster. The mediator and my lawyer tried extremely hard for me to pay for an parental consultant the would determine custody and meditate differences. This was extremely expensive. I eventuality agreed because the mediator said that Spring insisted upon it. I agreed even though I thought the county custody evaluator, who we continued to meet with (without lawyers I may add as lawyers are not allowed as part of the process) seemed pretty fair.

The mediator and my lawyer also tried very hard to get me to accept less than full custody. I was reluctant to accept joint custody let alone less than full but they said as a man I had almost no hope of getting even joint custody. The mediator herself was extremely belligerent and even walked out on me when I said that I would under no circumstances accept less than joint custody. I was paying her and she walked out on me. Unbelievable. The only reason, by the way, I was willing to accept joint custody is that I knew the children would be with me more than Spring anyway. I strongly felt and still do that Spring only wanted full custody as she believed it would get her more money.

Spring left mediation as she would not accept joint custody. I had assumed that we were now going to use the parental consultant as we had agreed so when more sessions with the custody evaluator were scheduled I questioned why this was happening. I found out that Spring had been opposed to the use of a parental consultant as well. Completely opposed. Yes, the mediator had directly lied to me when she stated that Spring was insisting on using a parental consultant.

My eyes were opening. I realized that my lawyers were simply passing me around to their colleges as part of a well worn pattern to extract money from a client. They had recommended a testimony coach, a mediator, a parental consultant, etc. All the while saying they were experts and these things were necessary. They claimed they could not adequately defend me unless I agreed.

The custody evaluator eventually recommended joint custody. As one of us had to agree to it before he could make the recommendation I did. Spring pretty much had to abide by his recommendation as fighting it would have been extremely difficult. I will say that the custody evaluator was really the only completely ethical person I dealt with during the whole court process. Sure I wish he had given me full custody but as there was little hard evidence I understood his position and believe he tried to make the best decision he could. We actually had a lot of good conversations together. I do not believe it is a coincidence that he was the only person who did not financially benefit from unethical behavior. “Follow the Money” is an old adage in law enforcement.

During this time I also obtained an employment evaluation that stated Spring could within a few years make essentially the same amount of money as me.

My lawyers also kept increasingly asking for more money. Their bills climbed. They said I had to pay up even though my money was locked by the court. They said they would have drop me if I didn't pay up. I tried to get a loan from the bank but was denied. Eventually they advised me to take a loan out against my 401K – saying of course they wouldn't actually advise me of that because it was against the judge's order but they said it would be better to ask for the Court's forgiveness than have them drop me.

My lawyers avoided answering direct questions. Rather than a simple answer they would be evasive. They result? Numerous emails back and forth. The effect? Racking up billable hours.

I also came to realize that one of my lawyers was directly lying to me. Some lies were subtle such as conveniently forgetting items he had preciously assured me of. For example I had purchased a vacation/retirement house from my mother-in-law and my lawyer claimed he had discussed this with an expert and assured me that she had no claim on it. Later he simply pretended this had never happened. A more egregiousness example is when at one point claimed that the reason my case was going so badly was that the opposing lawyer was a f***ing woman. He later denied that he said this in front of the other lawyer. If he really believed that, my case was lost and if he was just saying that to hide his ineptitude it was worse.

A valid question is why didn't I drop my lawyers. It is not so easy. What money I had was locked by the court. I had taken the maximum loan out against my 401K but that was spent on my case almost immediately. I tried to get a loan from my credit union but was denied. And we were in negotiations to settle and avoid a trial. As I had no money for the trial I had to settle for an unbelievably unjust agreement. The agreement included massive spousal support (alimony) for two years and then negotiations as to whether it would continue after that. My lawyers assured me that we could go back to court at any time if Spring broke the divorce agreement, something I thought highly likely.

When as I expected Spring broke the divorce agreement within a few months I asked my lawyers and they recommended against going to Court despite their earlier assurances that I could. They also stated that it would cost me many thousands of dollars to proceed with a motion. And they wanted me to pay my remaining bill, fairly modest at this point, before they could continue on my case. I told them I would not pay until they could show progress with my case. They refused and I asked for a refund on mediation costs and reduced fees do to their behavior. Although I did not have a lot of hard documentation I did have a lot of soft documentation including misleading emails, questions not being and answered promptly or answered evasively. I provided this documentation and met with my lawyers regarding it. Eventually I even it sent to all named partners in the firm as my lawyers refused to answer many of my questions including whether their firm had an ombudsman or not. The firm opened an investigation but of course closed it saying they believed their lawyers acted properly. My conclusion is that they acted in accordance with the firm's intention. My guess is that if my lawyers had acted properly in my best interests my my bill would been about 20% of what I paid and I would have held onto the vast majority of my assets rather than have lost them to Spring and the legal system.

After the divorce was signed I sent an email to a select group of people that I know would have interactions with my children while they were with Spring. I did this to tell the truth and express my concerns for the safety of the children. I asked them to be vigilant. Everything, absolutely everything in the email was truthful. I did receive one reply in which the person said that she would keep an eye out on kids.

Unfortunately someone forwarded the email to Spring and her reaction was to file a harassment charge against me. She had committed perjury and made completely false heinous accusations against me in public and she files a harassment charge against me for telling the truth in a private communication. She was using the legal system to harass me. What a crazy world.

I ended up going to Court without a lawyer and the harassment charges against me were dismissed immediately.

My lawyers dropped me.

As Spring was violating the divorce decree in many ways I filed a motion to end spousal support on my own and went back to court. By now there was a new judge – Judge Robert Mearly. Despite the fact that I had a lot of evidence that Spring was violating the divorce decree Judge Mearly ruled completely in Spring's favor and even required me to pay her legal fees. I'm not sure if this was because I was acting as my own attorney, something that seemed to offend the judge or because Judge Mearly was obviously very friendly with Spring's lawyer, whom I will call Nelly Wince. I do know that the evidence I had was really good. Spring had taken on a renter without notifying me and was not diligently working for school concession to offset tuition among other infractions.

At the hearing Nelly Wince was amazingly untruthful. She told numerous flat out lies. Afterward I obtained a transcript of the hearing and in going over it realized that in in some cases, I had what I believed absolute evidence that Nelly Wince knowingly lied in court and in doing so committed Fraud Upon the Court. Although lying in court itself is not a criminal offense for a lawyer per say, it goes against their ethics oath and when they lie to deceive the court it is regarded as Fraud Upon the Court, an offense so serious that there is no statue of limitations on it. As Nelly Wince's actions were so blatant and egregious I presumed that she would be severely reprimanded and likely lose her license to practice law. I was still quite naive.

I submitted the evidence against Nelly Wince to the Lawyer's Office of Professional Conduct and a formal case was opened against her. An investigator, who was real estate lawyer, was assigned but he was soon replaced by someone who I later found out earned his living as a divorce mediator. That's right, the investigator earned his living via referrals from divorce lawyers.

Despite the evidence the case was dismissed without even, in my opinion, addressing the charges. An appeal was likewise dismissed.

You may judge for yourself the seriousness of Nelly Wince's actions in the “Evidence” section. Quite frankly it is difficult to believe that anyone who looks at the evidence could possibly conclude that Nelly Wince did not knowingly lie in court and in doing so willfully and maliciously violated her ethical oath. But as I say, judge for yourself.

The divorce decree mandated that we were to start negotiating spousal support by September of 2011. I tried to do so by received no reply from Spring or Ms. Wince. In reviewing the judge's ruling, it seemed to me that his finding implied that spousal support would end on 12/31/2011 as he had denied Spring's motion to make it permanent. I asked Nelly Wince about this and her reply was that it would go on indefinitely. Spring then started garnishing my wages. I called the judge's office and the clerk suggested that I write a letter to the the judge asking for a clarification. I did so but received no reply.

Spring then filed a motion to make spousal support permanent. In her affidavit Spring stated that I was going after her lawyer by filing an ethical complaint against her. As the case was still under appeal, I had not intended to bring up the matter at the hearing but given Spring's affidavit, I supplied the full evidence against Nelly Wince to Judge Mearly. I thought that her actions were so clearly unethical and criminal that the judge would have to rule in my favor. How wrong I was. Judge Merely awarded permanent spousal support (until my death), cost of living increases for spousal support (again until my death) and ruled I had to pay for private tuition for the kid's high school (Spring had earlier stated that she did not want the kids in private school) and I had to pay Nelly Wince's legal costs.

At this point I finally realized just how unethical and corrupt of a system I was dealing with. I was in shock.

I tried to negotiate payments with Spring but eventually her lawyer sent me notification that any discussion of money would be treated as harassment.

In the divorce, I lost two houses and nearly all my assets. Legal expenses were well over six figures and since 2009 I have been forced to pay an enormous amount support costs to Spring, the vast majority of it spousal support that will go on until I die. I will never be able to retire. Recently she has refused to use any of the money I earned that was transferred to her for the children's college education. I gave Spring nothing but love and support. I paid for most of her college costs and set up several home businesses for her. I gave her all the emotional support and encouragement anyone could want. When she failed I was there to pick her up again. Yet she was able through perjury, fraud and what I believe is an institutionally corrupt legal system to take nearly everything from me. I have become a de facto slave to her.

It is simply impossible for me to convey how this makes me feel. I did nothing wrong. Spring divorced me. She has never spent a single dime of her earnings on the children. I have a vocational evaluation that states she can make just as much money as me but she had never applied for a single job in her field since filing for divorce. The custody evaluator ruled that parenting was joint. (although I would argue that I was far and away the primary parent) Furthermore, she committed perjury and her lawyer has, I believe without question, knowingly and viciously lied in court. I could go on and on but you get the point.

I work very hard but never without the knowledge that the money I earn goes to reward unethical and criminal behavior. That is a tragedy not only for me and my children but for society as a whole.