The Rise Of Single And What To Do About It

Viki Larson wrote an interesting article in Aeon titled, "Marriage should not come with any social benefits or privileges" in which she discusses the rise of the single person and how unfair marriage laws are for them.

Spouses in the US can pass on Medicare, as well as Social Security, disability, veterans and military benefits. They can get health insurance through a spouse’s employer; receive discounted rates for homeowners’, auto and other types of insurance; make medical decisions for each other as well as funeral arrangements; and take family leave to care for an ill spouse, or bereavement leave if a spouse dies.

Her solution is to, "give singles the same perks and protections to which married couples are privy".

I more or less agree with Larson but I would phrase it differently - we need to remove marriage from government control. Marriage should be a religious rite or commitment between two (or more for that matter) people not a government controlled and regulated arrangement.

Medicare, social security, disability, veterans, and military benefits should all go to the person earning the benefit. Why would a spouse or anyone else deserve it?  Now you might say what about a stay at home spouse? What of it? That spouse can be paid a wage by the working spouse and earn social security benefits or not as they desire. The effect this would have would be to eliminate the gender gap in employment, wages and which spouse stays at home.  This in turn would eliminate the gender gap in business and political leadership. That is not a bad thing.

As for who makes funeral arrangements, discounts for auto and homeowner insurance, and such single people and non-married couples living together already deal with these effectively.

Health insurance is the biggest problem. However, private companies have already led the way. Long before anyone thought we would ever have same sex marriage my company provided partner insurance to people co-habituating regardless of sex or marital status. The biggest discrimination with health care is that children are included. Childless people in effect subsidize those with children. The only way to fix this would be universal health care which will eventually come.

Eliminating marriage from the law would not only have a huge and positive impact on the economy but would greatly reduce gender inequality as well.

Who Should Rule?

Who should rule, men or women? Anyone who doesn't say neither, or maybe both, is by definition sexist. I think it would be bizarre for anyone to actually believe that one sex is better than the other, but people do and some even brag about it. I accidentally ran across this product on Amazon:



I can only imagine the outrage if the wording was "Boys Rule The World", or "Whites Rule The World". But like violence committed by women against men, such sexism is tolerated and often encouraged. 

People often forget that the goal is justice and equality for all.

Male Privilege

After my last post on female privilege I thought I would follow-up with a post on male privilege.  Why? Because I do not like any gender based privilege. However, in searching for information on male privilege most of what I get is either examples of female privilege or general complaints about men. (an exception is in India where there are a lot of real examples of male privilege but as this site is focused on the United States I am excluding those)

By general comments I mean things such as women complaining that men view women as "sex objects".  Yes that is bad. But I don't think women are immune to viewing men as sex objects. Once I hired an intern at work for the summer. A female employee of mine, who was over twice his age, said he was hot and I should hire more. There is zero chance a male employee would have ever told me the same thing about any of the female interns I hired no matter how attractive she was. I have also on more that one occasion had coworkers grab my buttocks or put their arms around me in a suggestive manner. If a male had done that to a woman he would be fired.

Probably the most common cited example of male privilege is that men make more money than women. But if you adjust for equal work and equal hours this tends to disappear. And I would argue that the fact that men work harder and at more dangerous jobs, not to mention the fact that women control more money than men, is an example of female privilege not male privilege.

The other example often cited is we live in a "rape culture" and than women are subject to violence by men. Well first off men and women are equally likely to initiate violence in a relationship. Second I have never agreed with the notion that women are the weaker sex. Sure on average men are stronger then women. Just like on average tall men are stronger than shorter men. But the reality is that physical fitness and training can more than make up for those differences. And in some ways women have an advantage because our society condemns a man who commits violence against a woman (rightly so) but not the reverse.

All gender/race/ethnic origin/religion/sexual orientation is bad. I am all for pointing out male privilege but, lest we be disingenuous, we need to also point out female privilege.

Female Privllege

Does female privilege exist? is a really good and interesting (and lengthy!) discussion on Quora. The comments are all over the place which makes it quite informative and thought provoking.

There woman who posted the question started off with these observations:

• I just got stopped by a cop for speeding or running a red light . I get let off the hook because obviously I can’t go to jail or even be given a fine . I’m a mother or big sister that has kids or a sibling to emotionally support and nurture . Plus , I’m rather cute . No cop will send someone hot like me to jail .
• Me : I had a boyfriend once but it didn’t work out . Response : Really , what did he do ?
• I want to get a guy to do something for me that could get him fired . Do I face consequences for my actions ? Heck , NO !!!! I HAVE BOOBS , YOU MUST OBEY !!!!!!!
• I accidentally trip at my home . Friend sees bruises . Friend’s Response : OMG , is he hitting you ??!!
• I throw a hissy fit . Something must be really bugging her or it must be that time of the month , again .
• Crisis hits the country . WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST !!! My life is more important . Men are the expendable gender .
• My boyfriend dumps me . I’ll just falsely accuse him of sexual assault or harassment out of spite . Whoops !!! There goes his reputation , livelihood and career . Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned .
• Two unknown girls walk into a store at night . Nothing to be afraid of . Two unknown guys walk into a store at night . Get your guard up !! We might be dealing with thieves , gang-bangers etc. !!!
• There’s no way I’m leaving my house over the weekend under the care of my son . He’ll just invite slutty girls over for a wild teen party .
• There’s no way I’m leaving my kid alone with a man . He could be kidnapper or something worse .
• Two girls in a relationship ?? It’s all cool !! Girl on girl is hot !!!

Made In, Owned by

I have always been uncomfortable with the "Made in America" label? Why would you buy something just because it is made in the good old U.S.A.? First off is the moral issue. Are people in other countries somehow less deserving of jobs than us? I like to think not.

But there is also the economic issue. Would all countries, regions, states, and localities be better off if they produced and consumed everything locally? Imagine if you could only buy a car made in your home town. Imagine if farmers could only sell locally. The same economic logic that applies on the local level applies on the international one as well.

In a similar vein, I find it just as strange to see products labeled "Women Owned" like the container of Old Home yogurt I recently bought.

Am I supposed to buy from a company because it is owned by women?

Using my well worn substitute trick I have with gender (i.e. do you feel the same about something if the genders are reversed) would you feel the same about a product from a company labeled "Men Owned"? Now some might argue that because most companies are owned by men that it is acceptable to state that a company is owned by women. But of course most companies are corporations and these are owned by stockholders. And given that women actually control more money than men, effectively women are the owners. It is bit like the deplorable under-representation of women in elected offices where it is difficult to blame men when the majority of voters are women.

Another Gender Barrier in the Military Crumbles

The military has always been one of the most discriminatory professions when it comes to gender. Until recently women were barred from many positions but that has now changed. Which is great but I expect it will take some time before 50% of combat soldiers are women.

The irony of discrimination in the military is that it negatively affects both men and women. Women because they have been historically barred from many roles and men because they are the vast majority of casualties. Equality will happen when 50% of soldiers are women and 50% of deaths are too.

In a somewhat amusing minor note of progress on this road to equality, male marines can now carry umbrellas while wearing their service and dress uniforms. Female marines had already been allowed to.

The new umbrella rule has, believe it or not, caused a lot of controversy. Marine Colonel Mark Caballero stated, "Change is tough, and the idea of seeing young Marines walking around with an umbrella just doesn't fit my ideal of what a Marine ought to look like."

A generation ago a black man didn't fit what many marines thought a marine should look like.

Erasing Family - A Film By Ginger Gentile

Family court hurts people. Men, women and children. Why? Because of money. Money for irresponsible parents, money for lawyers, money for judges, and money for all the other business such as counselors, mediators, testimony coaches and others who make more money when more people are hurt. Not that everyone is bad, far from it, but the system is set up to reward the unethical and criminal not the responsible and good.

The pain inflicted on children is highlighted in the film Erasing Family by Ginger Gentile.

An interview with Ms. Gentile can be found on Dad's Talk.

Although I have zero contact with Spring, that was her choice. She tried to take the kids away from me, even petitioned the court to prevent me from seeing them at all. But it backfired on her. Without me even discussing it much with the kids, they quickly ended up living with me more and more. Now they only see their mother occasionally. You might think this makes me feel good but it hurts me immensely. The damage done to my kids is immense. Emotionally and financially. What is it like to your own mother treat you as a tool to criminally take as much money from your father as possible?  Erasing Family delves into this very issue.