Female Privllege

Does female privilege exist? is a really good and interesting (and lengthy!) discussion on Quora. The comments are all over the place which makes it quite informative and thought provoking.

There woman who posted the question started off with these observations:

• I just got stopped by a cop for speeding or running a red light . I get let off the hook because obviously I can’t go to jail or even be given a fine . I’m a mother or big sister that has kids or a sibling to emotionally support and nurture . Plus , I’m rather cute . No cop will send someone hot like me to jail .
• Me : I had a boyfriend once but it didn’t work out . Response : Really , what did he do ?
• I want to get a guy to do something for me that could get him fired . Do I face consequences for my actions ? Heck , NO !!!! I HAVE BOOBS , YOU MUST OBEY !!!!!!!
• I accidentally trip at my home . Friend sees bruises . Friend’s Response : OMG , is he hitting you ??!!
• I throw a hissy fit . Something must be really bugging her or it must be that time of the month , again .
• Crisis hits the country . WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST !!! My life is more important . Men are the expendable gender .
• My boyfriend dumps me . I’ll just falsely accuse him of sexual assault or harassment out of spite . Whoops !!! There goes his reputation , livelihood and career . Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned .
• Two unknown girls walk into a store at night . Nothing to be afraid of . Two unknown guys walk into a store at night . Get your guard up !! We might be dealing with thieves , gang-bangers etc. !!!
• There’s no way I’m leaving my house over the weekend under the care of my son . He’ll just invite slutty girls over for a wild teen party .
• There’s no way I’m leaving my kid alone with a man . He could be kidnapper or something worse .
• Two girls in a relationship ?? It’s all cool !! Girl on girl is hot !!!

Made In, Owned by

I have always been uncomfortable with the "Made in America" label? Why would you buy something just because it is made in the good old U.S.A.? First off is the moral issue. Are people in other countries somehow less deserving of jobs than us? I like to think not.

But there is also the economic issue. Would all countries, regions, states, and localities be better off if they produced and consumed everything locally? Imagine if you could only buy a car made in your home town. Imagine if farmers could only sell locally. The same economic logic that applies on the local level applies on the international one as well.

In a similar vein, I find it just as strange to see products labeled "Women Owned" like the container of Old Home yogurt I recently bought.

Am I supposed to buy from a company because it is owned by women?

Using my well worn substitute trick I have with gender (i.e. do you feel the same about something if the genders are reversed) would you feel the same about a product from a company labeled "Men Owned"? Now some might argue that because most companies are owned by men that it is acceptable to state that a company is owned by women. But of course most companies are corporations and these are owned by stockholders. And given that women actually control more money than men, effectively women are the owners. It is bit like the deplorable under-representation of women in elected offices where it is difficult to blame men when the majority of voters are women.

Another Gender Barrier in the Military Crumbles

The military has always been one of the most discriminatory professions when it comes to gender. Until recently women were barred from many positions but that has now changed. Which is great but I expect it will take some time before 50% of combat soldiers are women.

The irony of discrimination in the military is that it negatively affects both men and women. Women because they have been historically barred from many roles and men because they are the vast majority of casualties. Equality will happen when 50% of soldiers are women and 50% of deaths are too.

In a somewhat amusing minor note of progress on this road to equality, male marines can now carry umbrellas while wearing their service and dress uniforms. Female marines had already been allowed to.

The new umbrella rule has, believe it or not, caused a lot of controversy. Marine Colonel Mark Caballero stated, "Change is tough, and the idea of seeing young Marines walking around with an umbrella just doesn't fit my ideal of what a Marine ought to look like."

A generation ago a black man didn't fit what many marines thought a marine should look like.

Erasing Family - A Film By Ginger Gentile

Family court hurts people. Men, women and children. Why? Because of money. Money for irresponsible parents, money for lawyers, money for judges, and money for all the other business such as counselors, mediators, testimony coaches and others who make more money when more people are hurt. Not that everyone is bad, far from it, but the system is set up to reward the unethical and criminal not the responsible and good.

The pain inflicted on children is highlighted in the film Erasing Family by Ginger Gentile.

An interview with Ms. Gentile can be found on Dad's Talk.

Although I have zero contact with Spring, that was her choice. She tried to take the kids away from me, even petitioned the court to prevent me from seeing them at all. But it backfired on her. Without me even discussing it much with the kids, they quickly ended up living with me more and more. Now they only see their mother occasionally. You might think this makes me feel good but it hurts me immensely. The damage done to my kids is immense. Emotionally and financially. What is it like to your own mother treat you as a tool to criminally take as much money from your father as possible?  Erasing Family delves into this very issue.

Another Try In Florida

For years Florida has been trying to pass alimony reform into law. Several times a bill has made it through the legislature only to have it vetoed by Governor Rick Scott. A new effort is now underway.

On Thursday Boca Raton marital and family law attorney Alan Elkins, speaking for Florida Family Fairness, which annually spearheads alimony reform pushes, denounced permanent alimony as unfair, charging it creates a “culture of dependence” for those receiving it and a “life sentence” for payers. He contended that Florida’s guidelines are so broadly interpreted by individual judges that the questions of how much alimony should be paid, and for how long, vary tremendously from judge to judge, even within any given judicial circuit, and shouldn’t and needn’t do so.

Reform is being fought by a group of divorce lawyers which is unsurprising because anything that reduces inequity and pain in family court is certainly not in their financial interest.

Disappointingly The National Organization of Women (NOW), which once advocated agaisnt alimony as it perpetuated the view that women are inferior to men, is now advocating against any alimony reform. 

Although about 98% of alimony is paid by the man it is often the case there their second spouses pay alimony because legally once married they are obligated as well. I cannot marry the woman I am with because of this. If I became disabled or ended up with Alzheimer's, my new spouse would be required to pay alimony to Spring even through Spring left me, was not the primary care giver for the children and has never used a dime of her income for the children despite the employment evaluator stated she is able to make just as much money as me. Yes, that is how unfair it is.

There are a few case where alimony is paid for by women. One is cited in the article.

Alicia del Rey of Marion County, also representing Florida Family Fairness, turned traditional gender roles upside down when she spoke of how she’s being forced to pay permanent alimony to a man whom she said was an abusive and irresponsible husband who “squandered our assets” and has never been able to hold a job.

“I would have never imagined that I would be paying permanent alimony to my abuser ex-husband and be forced to pay him for the rest of my life,” she said, recalling how in 2011 she finally got the courage, after 30 years of marriage, to seek divorce. “Thus far I have paid this man over $41,000, the money I need to pay my mortgage, plan for retirement and fund my goal to go back to graduate school to provide a better life for myself and my family.”

“The most discouraging part is there is no end in sight, and I have no path that allows me to free this abusive ex-husband,” del Rey said.

I can only hope such stories will encourage those who oppose alimony reform to realize that the purpose of reform is to advance equality and justice for all regardless of gender.

Why No Equity?

Stephen Frenz, a longtime Minneapolis landlord, has been convicted of perjury. It is unusual for someone to be convicted of perjury but Hennepin County Attorney Mike Freeman stated, "He lied to the court and he abused the system and he was hurting a lot of people, and he has hurt a lot of people."

Compare this to my case. My ex-wife Spring certainly committed perjury but I have no illusions she would ever be convicted.  Her lawyer, Nelly Wince, lied numerous times both in court and in writing but none of it was sworn testimony so there isn't even an opportunity for a perjury conviction.

But I have never imagined that either Spring or Ms. Wince would ever be convicted of perjury. In fact, in Spring's case, the best I can hope for is for an end to alimony and the return of monies obtained criminally.

For Nelly Wince, the matter is different. She committed fraud. Specifically fraud upon the court as she lied to the court. Fraud upon the court is so serious that there is no statute of limitations on it in Minnesota. I have the evidence. I should by all rights be able to sue her to recover my losses as well as punitive damages.  This, as far as I can determine, happens even less often then convictions for perjury. Maybe it is time for this to change. Family law attorneys should not be above the law.

Why People Commit Suicide

If you ask most people why a person would commit suicide, they will typically assume depression or other mental health problems. The reality is far more complicated.

Around 43 percent of the variability in suicidal behavior among the general population can be explained by genetics...while the remaining 57 percent is attributable to environmental factors.

One cause of suicide often ignored or at least overlooked is self-sacrifice. The classic example is the proverbial story of a soldier jumping on a grenade in a foxhole to save his squad. Another is the suffragettes in both the United States and the United Kingdom who starved themselves to death in protest of their lack of voting rights. Or the IRA members who died on hunger strikes to protest Margaret Thatcher's decision to incarcerate them as criminals rather than prisoners of war. The iron lady relented. 

A more recent example is that of Tunisian  Mohamed Bouazizi  who set himself on fire to protest police corruption. His act of self-immolation was the spark the ignited the Arab Spring.

We do not know how many people who commit suicide do so out of self-sacrifice. It would be difficult to determine and there are no studies on the matter. My guess, however, is that is is far greater than most people assume.

Suicide is often not so much a call for help as it is a call for justice.