After Spring walked
out on Pastor Kurt (after previously walking out on Lisa Guider), I
begged her yet again to give counseling another try. By this point I
was in full realization that her tactic was to use false accusation,
perjury and fraud in order to hurt me as much as possible and
maximize the amount of money she could extract from the boys and me
but I still wanted to keep our marriage together. Why? Because I just
couldn't believe what was happening. It was a nightmare and I was
looking for a thread, however slim, to end it. I thought it was
either the alcohol as the Lisa and Pastor Kurt suggested or an
underlying mental issue. I just couldn't believe the person I loved
and did so much for could do such horrible things. It was too
surreal.
Unlike our previous
attempts at counseling, this time I found the counselor. Naturally, I
turned to my local parish which not only was the church we belonged
to but also the church for the school the boys went to. I talked on
the phone with Father Goodhue, the associate pastor, and he suggested
we meet with him together.
Father Goodhue was
an interesting person. He came to the priesthood later in life, my
guess would be in his 30s, and so had more real world experience that
many priests. (Although Catholic priests are a bit more diverse than
many people who are not Catholic realize. Our priest when I was
younger had six children – he was a widower, and my local parish
almost received one who was married – it is not uncommon for
priests in other denominations to convent to Catholicism and if they
were married before they converted, they stay married as a Catholic
priest.)
What I didn't know
about Father Goodhue until later was that he was a reformed
alcoholic.
We only met a few
times with Father Goodhue. Spring was openly hostile to pretty much
his every comment. Finally he suggested we do a Catholic couples
retreat from a group whose sole purpose was to help troubled
marriages. The day before we were supposed to leave, Spring emailed
me and said she wasn't going, was proceeding with the divorce, and
had told the children. It was Father's Day weekend. My brother
suggested that the fact no alcohol was allowed on the retreat may
have had something to do with her decision.
I met with Father
Goodhue a few more time before he was transfered to another parish.
He said all the signs he saw in Spring were very familiar to him. The
lying, the sneaking around, the denials, were all classic signs of
addition. He had been there himself. He said it was either that or a
moral failing and it was clear which one he believed was the lessor
evil.
I liked Father
Goodhue. He had seen tough times but worked through them. I believe
he has a good heart. In many ways he is a shinning example that
redemption is possible. Although Spring and I will never reconcile
(not only are we well beyond that but I am in a very good
relationship), I do hope she can one day come to terms with her
actions and attempt to make amends for them. The divorce system that
allowed her to profit from her criminal actions is the real villain.
I have lost an incredible amount of money and am a de facto slave. I
will never be able to retire from my job to do volunteer work, teach
or write as I had planned. But I can at least look myself in the
mirror and see a person of integrity. I can feel proud of the example
I set for my children. Spring can do neither. I hope some day that
changes. Hope springs eternal.
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