Saturday, August 29, 2015

Why Women File For Divoce Far More Than Men Do

As reported in The Pacific Standard,  the The American Socialogical Institute has published a study on why women file for divorce far more than men do. Many people have assumed this is because women are more sensitive to relationship difficlties than men are.  The ASA study found this not to be true.  (And seriosly - only a true sexist would think so. It is like saying men are more suited to lead governments and businesses.) What the study did find is that women who are married inniciate breakups far more often than their husbands.  If they are not married, men iniciate the breakup about as often as women do.


The study fails to mention the obvious reason. Women receive 95+ percent of alimony.  It is all too tempting to cash out of a relationship for many women.  And if they need to commit a little perjury or fraud like Spring that is not about to stop those without a moral compass.

I will note that I know a lot of women who are divorced and acted quite ethically during the process. But unfortuneately there are many who do not.  Sadly, money is a powerful motivator for evil.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

NOW On Alimony

Some people believe that eliminating alimony hurts women. Nothing could be further from the truth. Equality under the law can only benefit women. Indeed the National Organization for Women (NOW) has long advocated for reform of marriage laws and against lifelong alimony in most cases.


NOW's current Statement of Purpose:
WE REJECT the current assumptions that a man must carry the sole burden of supporting himself, his wife, and family, and that a woman is automatically entitled to lifelong support by a man upon her marriage, or that marriage, home and family are primarily woman’s world and responsibility — hers, to dominate — his to support. We believe that a true partnership between the sexes demands a different concept of marriage, an equitable sharing of the responsibilities of home and children and of the economic burdens of their support. We believe that proper recognition should be given to the economic and social value of homemaking and child-care. To these ends, we will seek to open a reexamination of laws and mores governing marriage and divorce, for we believe that the current state of `half-equity” between the sexes discriminates against both men and women, and is the cause of much unnecessary hostility between the sexes.
NOW's Statement of Purpose from 1966:
We reject the current assumptions that a man must carry the sole burden of supporting himself, his wife, and family, and that a woman is automatically entitled to lifelong support by a man upon her marriage, or that marriage, home and family are primarily woman's world and responsibility -- hers to dominate -- his to support. We believe that a true partnership between the sexes demands a different concept of marriage an equitable sharing of the responsibilities of home and children and of the economic burdens of their support. We believe that proper recognition should be given to the economic and social value of homemaking and child-care. To these ends we will seek to open a reexamination of laws and mores governing marriage and divorce, for we believe that the current state of "half-equality" between the sexes discriminates against both men and women, and is the cause of much unnecessary hostility between the sexes.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Random Thoughts On Sexism

I dropped my youngest son off at college this weekend and will be taking my eldest to his school this coming Friday. Getting them ready and being quite busy at work as well has put more than the usual pressure on my time.

For today's post I want to put down in words some of the random thoughts I have had over the last few weeks related to sexism.

At a wedding shower for a friend, the mother of the bride-to-be told me once when she flew with her husband and daughter when her daughter was quite young, she sat with the daughter, "because I'm the mom." To my ears this sounded like a strange statement and I asked her about it. She said she could count on one finger the number of times her husband had changed a diaper. This seems not only quite sexist to me but certainly not in the realm of my experience.  I pretty much changed all the diapers for my kids and often those of my nieces and nephews when I was present.  It may sound strange but I liked changing their diapers because I had a martial arts type of game I would play while changing them that always made them break out laughing. I loved seeing them laugh. For Spring changing a diaper was a chore.

When I was dropping my son off at college I met one of his suite mates and his family. The mother went to make his bed, "because I'm the mom." (yes, I head the phrase twice in one week!) Well I let my son make his own bed because, "I'm the parent." But I did just finish washing his bed sheets and making his bed at home.

I actually taught Spring how to use a washing machine. She never learned growing up.

Spring one tried to convince me that woman could never be President of the United States. That was surreal.

Recently two women passed through Army Ranger training. They were the first women to do so. Not only is it amazing to me that it took so long but that there is any controversy whatsoever about whether combat positions should be open to women. If a person, man or woman, can  meet the physical and mental requirements they should be allowed in. It really is that simple. The people arguing against women in combat are using the exact same logic used to prevent women from receiving university degrees despite having met all the qualifications not too long ago. Besides didn't they ever see Alien/Aliens?




Private Vasquez 






I wonder how many people believe it is sexist and unfair that 98% of Americans casualties in Iraq/Afghanistan have been men. I do. Any person who truly believes in equality has to.

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Yale Law School on Judaical Corruption

We like to believe our judicial system operates ethically with rare exceptions but that simply isn't the case. This site has shown beyond a doubt just how common corruption is in family/divorce court. But judicial corruption is far more widespread as this Yale Law School report from 2009 shows.
Recent surveys and events indicate that judicial corruption could be a significant problem in the United States... This analysis suggests that our institutions are particularly ineffective at preventing and uncovering judicial bribery in civil disputes and traffic hearings.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

More From Susan Settenbrino

Yesterday I posted a video of a presentation by Susan Settenbrino on judicial bias and the political process. Settenbrino also has a four part series of videos on Divorce Corp's  Family Law Report detailing unethical and corrupt behavior within the family law court system. it is a great series and well worth watching.

One of my concerns about this site is that some may find it anti-lawyer or anti-women so I have striven to emphasize that justice and equality means justice and equality for all. Good lawyers, like all the great civil justice leaders, many of which were lawyers, know this. Settenbrino, I think, clearly does as well.

People who commit discrimination and other illegal acts often "win" in the sense that they garner money or power but what they do not realize is that next time they many be on the losing side of injustice. But to be clear, even for those who commit injustice, I do not advocate committing injustice against them as some form of retaliation. Switching the perpetrator and victim of injustice just perpetuates the cycle of injustice. What I want is to reduce injustice overall.

Part 1 - Misconduct by Judges

Part 2 - Recusals

Part 3 - Politicians in Robes

Part 4 – Lack of Oversight

Friday, August 14, 2015

Susan Settenbrino On Judicial Bias and the Political Process

Lawyer Susan Settenbrino talks about judicial bias and political influence in the process.


Ms. Settenbrino makes a strong case for just how dysfunctional our legal system is. The laws and rules to protect against injustice are more often than not on the books but that is a moot point when they are simply ignored. Settenbrino shows us how to at least start fixing the problem.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Misinformation on DivorceSupport.com

Not to criticize but I noted that DivorceSupport.com has some very misleading information
"Yes, permanent alimony can still be awarded. There is nothing stopping a couple from negotiating and agreeing to an award of permanent alimony. Outside of this situation, permanent alimony is rarely awarded. The same factors controlling an award of long-term, rehabilitative maintenance applies to permanent alimony: the recipient ex-spouse must have no realistic chance of employment, and the marriage must have been over a long period of time."
As I have repeatedly pointed out, I have to pay a massive amount of alimony to Spring despite a less that  20 marriage and the fact that she is college educated and an employment evaluation determined she could make just as much money as me, joint parenting during the marriage (as determined by the custody evaluator), joint custody post marriage, strong evidence Spring committed perjury and absolute evidence her lawyer lied in court.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Yes Virginia - it Really Is that Bad

I don't usually tell people much about my situation but I did yesterday with a colleague and friend I've known for years at work. She had recently divorced. (Her husband left my friend and their kids for another woman that he secretly had a child with) Their divorce was fairly straight forward although he is trying to reduce child support because of his new child, but there is no alimony.

My friend knows the girl I have been dating for the last four years and make a joke about getting married. Without thinking too much I told her that I legally can't. I then had to clarify that for all practical purposes I can't because that would require my new spouse to pay alimony to Spring if I became unable to work.  Then I had to tell her the whole story of how despite the fact that Spring divorced me, the custody evaluator ruled parenting during the marriage was joint, a vocational evaluation stating Spring could make just as much money as me, good evidence of perjury by Spring, absolute evidence that her lawyer Nelly Wince lied in court, joint custody after the divorce, as well as many other injustices, I am required to pay a massive amount of alimony to Spring until the day I die. I have no possibility of retirement or remarriage.

My friend had this incredulous look. She could not believe that I had been so unjustly treated or that it was even possible that anyone could be treated so unjustly by the court system. I told her that it is hard to believe but that is the way the system works. I even mentioned the story I posted earlier in the week as well as the Robin and James Hair story that I have mentioned before.

The reality of how the divorce system works is so inconceivable to most people that they simply think that it can't possibly be that bad. Even people who have been divorced, if both parties were at lest marginally ethical, have a hard time believing that anyone could be so unjustly, even criminally, treated by the divorce system as I and my children have. It is not plausible in their minds. It doesn't pass the sniff test. Nonetheless it is sadly, tragically true. This difficulty is believing how bad the system is one of the main reasons the injustices persists.


Monday, August 3, 2015

Florida Alimony Reform - 72-Year-Old Alzheimer Patient Ordered to Pay Lifetime Alimony

From Florida comes a heartbreaking story of a 72-Year-Old Alzheimer Patient Ordered to Pay Lifetime Alimony.


The fear that I might end up in the same situation is the reason I cannot in good conscious ever remarry. The financial reality of paying lifetime alimony means that I will never be able to retire.

The woman in the video says she can understand temporary alimony but in my case that wasn't even warranted for as an employment evaluation stated Spring could make just as much money as me and the custody evaluator ruled parenting during the marriage was joint. Yet I actually pay more per month in alimony than this poor guy. How can one conclude that the divorce system is anything but evil to the core?

Sunday, August 2, 2015

2nd Wives Club of South Carolina

The 2nd Wives Club of South Carolina is an organization lobbying to abolish lifetime alimony in the state.
We are women (and their partners) who believe that the alimony laws in the state of South Carolina are outdated, specifically the awarding of permanent alimony as the most common form of alimony awarded. Many of us have been directly harmed by these laws. We may actually be the ones paying our spouse's alimony, because he has suffered a financial downturn. We may not be able to retire, along with our spouse, because our husbands owe their ex-wives so much in alimony each month that retirement is impossible. We may be struggling to put children through college, perhaps step-children whose mother is receiving the money in alimony that should be going toward the childrens' college education. The ways in which the old laws are one-sided are endless. Even short marriages can result in permanent alimony.
That is exactly my situation. I cannot remarry because that would oblige my new spouse to pay alimony to Spring should I become unable to work nor can I ever hope to retire. I now have two children in college and Spring refuses to use one cent of alimony or the money she received from the divorce, let alone her income, to help pay tuition.

The 2nd Wives Club of South Carolina even have their own line of gear.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

How Spousal Support Entitles People and Stifles Personal Growth

Everyone should read the story of a Navy Lieutenant Commander who after joining the military in her teens and working hard to advance herself finds herself having to forfeit a percentage of her military retirement to her ex-husband. She was married for eight years and they had no kids.


This is pathetic and just as pathetic if the genders were reversed.