Sometimes...

Sometimes it is hard to not feel bad for myself. I heard a story on NPR about teachers who participated in the federal TEACH program which offered teachers up to $4,000 a year to help pay for school if, in return, they agreed to teach a high-need subject, like math or science, in a lower-income school for four years.

If a teacher did not meticulously follow the often confusing and misleading rules their grant was turned into a loan. Some had grants of $20,000 turned into loans of $20,000. Many were shocked and devastated.

I get it. But there is also a part of me that thinks, "be thankful you aren't me." I lost two houses and hundreds of thousands of dollars of assets in the divorce. I have had to pay well over $100,000 in legal fees. I lose well over $30,000 per year in alimony due to clear criminal actions by Spring and her lawyer.  And this will go on until I die. Not to mention that I was solely responsible for raising my kids.

When I hear people complain that their ex does not provide enough help for the kids, I get a sinking feeling way down in my gut. It would have been 1000 times easier if Spring had just left. But instead she decided to take and steal as much as she possibly could. No action was too heinous for her. No crime too great for her to commit to gain more money.

This is not a good way to feel. But I know deep down that a person with cancer might feel the same way about my complaints. There is a certain relativity. And it is good to remember that. Because if I did not know that, did not really understand that, I very much doubt I would be alive today.