Detrimental Consequences Of A Gap in Skills Within A Marriage

I have never liked the idea that marriage should be a partnership where each person specializes in a particular area. Commonly it is that the man earns the money, does the yard work, takes care of finances and the woman raises the children and does the house work.

One reason I do not like it is that its equality is a fiction. Equal but separate is never equal. If one spouse earns all the money then the other becomes dependent on him or her. That is the exact term used on tax forms. Ironically, who has the power in such a situation is not predictable.  It may be that the one earning the money has the power because they control the assets or it may be that the non-earning partner has the power because they receive the benefit of the work - not unlike how slave owners received the benefit of their slaves' work. The wage earner becomes an asset that you can work as much as possible to maximize financial gain.

Another reason I do not like separation of responsibilities is that I cannot image that I would have been happy not earning my way and taking care of the kids. Knowing how to do it all, earning money, finances, child rearing, yard work, house work, and cooking are all part of having a rewarding and responsible life. I honestly would not have given up single diaper change.

A recent study, Gap in Financial Literacy Widens for Couples the Longer the Relationship Lasts, demonstrates that even when a couple starts out equally competent in an area, the partner not doing a particular task loses the ability to do so over time. The study focuses on finances but I image the same holds true for child rearing, yard work, house work, etc.

This creates huge problems. In the case of divorce or the death of one partner, a person may not have the skills necessary to succeed in life. Even more insidious, a marriage may fall apart due to one partner's ability atrophying in an area, be that finance or child rearing, and thus not understanding why their partner is making the decisions they are. 

The best strategy is to make sure you share responsibility in all areas. A person who cannot earn their own living as well as raise their own children is a just asking for trouble.

On A Lighter Note...

My last few posts have been a bit depressing so I will through in some lighter fare. Here are 5 Unusual Things That Boost Life Expectancy For Men.

1. Stare at Women's Breasts
2. Have Lots of Sex
3. Get Married
4. Become a Parent
5. Assume Resposiblility
6. Get a "Dad Bod"

I am more or less a check on all of them with a few caveats. Although I am no longer married, I am in a committed relationship. Also, I like to think my "bod" isn't that bad but at 57 it is definitely not what it was in my 20s. 

On another note, my new plan is to write Spring and Nelly Wince regarding ending alimony by the end of the year. I doubt they will agree but I do feel an obligation to clearly state the consequences if they do not. This is the year either alimony ends or my life becomes dedicated to full recovery of all monies lost including legal fees plus punitive damages or my life becomes forfeit. Continuing as is just plain wrong and way too stressful.

Divorce and Suicide

Men commit suicide 3-4 times more than women and divorced men do so 8 times more than women. 

Richard Hashimashi explores why and comes up with 17 reasons:

1. The ‘Deadbeat Dad’ Label
2. Alienation And Estrangement From Children
3. Financial Ruin
4. Criminalization Of A Law Abiding Citizen
5. Losing The Entire Structure Of Family Life And Home
6. Being Declared Dangerous
7. Needing A Supervisor
8. Loss Of Total Identity
9. Shock
10. The Loss Of Reality
11. Disgrace Kills, Not Divorce
12. A Catastrophic Year Or More
13. Loss Of Love And Affection
14. No Support
15. Negative Side Effects Of Antidepressants
16. No Future
17. From Dad To ‘Visitor’ ‘Him’

Let's see - How many of these apply to me?

Well clearly I was never a deadbeat parent, alienated from my children, lost my family structure or identity, lost love and affection (I gained this!) or became a visitor to my children. Indeed and ironically Spring is the one who likely felt these.

Certainly I have taken a financial hit, a huge one at that, but I have avoided financial ruin by working harder and harder. I have not taken any anti-depressants. And despite Spring's best efforts, her perjury failed to have me declared a criminal and I was never under supervision. 

Shock and the loss of reality are probably the two that most apply to me. I was shocked not only that Spring divorced me but even more so that she so easily committed fraud and perjury. She seems to lack even a rudimentary conscience.

Even worse is the surrealness of discovering that the family law system is so rife with corruption and criminality that justice, when it does occur, is essentially accidental. This I suspect is the major reason many, but mostly men and their children, turn to self-destructive behavior including suicide.

When the law condemns an innocent person to be the slave of their criminal persecutor until they die, death becomes an attractive option.  This is tragic but hardly surprising.

Discouraged

I went to a pro se law clinic at a local law school this morning. As I have not been able to find a lawyer to represent me, it seemed worth the effort. And it was an effort as we are having an all out blizzard today in Minnesota.

Unfortunately the student I met with was not very encouraging. She said it is very difficult to change permanent orders. The facts of the case do not really matter. She said I may have some leverage if my evidence of crime is solid enough (and it could not be more more solid) but strongly recommended I find a lawyer, preferably one with expertise in ethics and professional responsibility.

So I spent some time searching for one. I'll likely meet with a few but I am not sure any will be willing to represent me. Not many lawyers are willing to admit crime is rampant in the legal system and even fewer are willing to fight it.

Part of me thinks I should just file a civil suit against Spring and see what happens. When I am in an optimistic mood, which is less and less common, I see no reason why, given the evidence, this should not return to me all monies I lost due to the crimes committed agaisnt me plus punitive damages.  It should be a slam dunk.

But the likely reality is that I will have no choice but to file a pro se motion to dismiss spousal support in family court. Odds are it not only will be dismissed but will result in further injustices being committed against me. As the court has ruled that spousal support can only be ended by a new court order or my death, that would leave only one option.

Sexism In The Marines

It is amazing to me just how persistent sexism can be. The armed forces, to their credit, took the lead on racial integration in 1948 under Harry Truman. Granted it was a long road but the road stated with full integration.

Yet here we are in 2018 and we still debate whether all positions in the military should be open to women. I find it absolutely amazing that the Marine Corps still has gender segregated basic training. Many marines still believe that women are somehow less capable than women.

The training is anything but separate but equal (a phrase that has never been true under any context) so this leads quite naturally to women performing worse than men. And when a commander shows that with proper training female marines are every bit as good as male marines, she is fired. When the Marine Corp only takes the best of half the population the end result is without question a less capable Marine Corps.

Corrupt Systems Are Hard To Change

Corrupt systems are hard to change. From 1880 until 1950 over 4000 lynchings occurred agaisnt blacks in 12 southern states. How did the perpetrators get away with this? Because the legal system was rife with corruption. Police, lawyers and judges all let it happen and often were complicit themselves. In almost all cases, even those who knew it was wrong did nothing to stop the murders from being committed. 

To be clear - I believe that the majority of people, in general and within the legal system, during this time did not participate or condone lynchings. But they did not actively work to stop it. The result is that they let a small group of vile and criminal people define their collective morality.

The reason they did not speak up is that they feared the consequences of doing so. Speaking out would jeopardize not only their and their family's social bonds but also their income and even lives. It was easier and safer to remain silent.

A recent study has demonstrated the downsides to whistleblowers.

"In sum, our findings showed that blowing the whistle had—for a large majority—an adverse effect on life and a very negative impact on the mental health of those who blow the whistle, while society in one way or another benefited from their actions. This apparent misbalance in burden needs to be targeted, not only for current whistleblowers but also for future cases to prevent as much as possible that people no longer blow the whistle because of the negative consequences as shown in our and previous studies."

And the larger the scale of where the corruption exists the greater the risk. Blowing the whistle on accounting practices in a small law firm is a lot less risky than blowing the whistle on common, yet criminal, practices within the legal system. I have had lawyers tell me outright that what happened to me is wrong and criminal but that is just the way the system works. I have had lawyers tell me that they disagree with lawyers associations but cannot speak out agaisnt them as they would be ostracized by their peers.

The corrupt individuals are the cancer that sickens the whole.

This site has provided unquestionable evidence of criminal actions within the legal system. Yet the people who have committed the crimes not only have not been punished but have been greatly rewarded for their actions. And the crime continues.  Every day innocent men, women and children are hurt. Many of those victims become violent or self-destructive. No one knows how many people end up dying but it is pretty clear that not a day goes by without someone dying due to corruption within family court. If you do not believe this you are ignoring reality. 

I Need A Michael Osgood

I need a Michael Osgood.

Although he failed, NYPD’s Special Victims Division's Michael Osgood tried to take down Harvey Weinstein in 2015. Why was he unsuccessful? After all he had a victim, Italian model Ambra Battilana and he had solid evidence. What he didn't have was the support of the district attorney. Quite the opposite the DA actively tried to obstruct justice and protect Weinstein. 

In an amazing story, Osgood not only had to put together a case against Weinstein, but had to do so while hiding it from the DA's office as he knew they would dismiss the case given that Weinstein was arguably the most powerful person in Hollywood at the time. 

Like in the divorce industry bringing people to justice takes a lot more than evidence, it takes overcoming the inherent and often pervasive corruption within the legal system. We like to believe that all people are equal under the law but in practice that is far, often very far, from the truth. 

I have the best evidence imaginable that Nelly Wince lied in court and committed fraud. The reaction of the county attorney's office was to tell me there is no law in the state agaisnt a lawyer lying in court. Furthermore, they told me that there is no such thing as fraud upon the court in Minnesota statues despite the very first result when searching Google using the phase "fraud upon the court Minnesota" demonstrates otherwise.  The fact they told me both in writing shows just how normal obstruction of justice is for them. 

I need a Michael Osgood because even though he failed in 2015, just look where Harvey Weisntein is today. And that DA that tried to thwart Osgood's investigation? Today he is fighting for his job.